' - as much as you can miss them.' - John Green
So. New journal. Yeah, I think this time around, I'm just going to stick with "my life," or whatever, instead of going on and on about philosophical mumbo-jumbo.
To be completely honest, the only reason I'm writing this is because I'm ill, laying in bed, bored out of my mind, reading some fantastic Merlin fanfics, and Tumbling. But mostly just bored. Very bored. And exhausted. My life in two words: boring and exhausting.
So yeah, anyway.
You may inquire about the Journal Skin - come on, let's face it, no one's going to inquire anything because no on reads this crap. But I sort of, like, won.... it...? As some of you guys know, I entered a contest a month or so ago, and much to my shock, I.... won honorable mention. On something I was planning on deleting, but never got around to doing so. So yeah, that was incredibly nice and flabbergasting and I'm still in shock over it, and if you happened to read it - it's called "Dear You (Or, Alternatively, Me)" - thank you so much. I've had nothing but positive feedback over it, and you have no idea how grateful I am of you guys.
In the news of Depressing Reality - as mentioned above, I am ill, with the flu, I'm quite certain. I have a project that's due on Wednesday that I know absolutely nothing about because I've been absent from my classes for the last couple of days. So there's something else to worry about. Fantastic.
Okay, I'm in a bit of a mood at the moment, so there be spoilers below for both the Merlin Series Finale and The Hobbit, so.... Avert your eyes if you have not had the horrible pleasure of watching them
So I've never read any of the LOTR books, until after I watched The Hobbit. Just because I tried to read them years ago, and didn't even make it past the tenth page. (I am, however, about 1/4 of the way through The Fellowship of the Ring at the moment - It's fantastic.) Therefore, I didn't really have anything to compare it to, other than the LOTR films, which is my favorite movie series. Maybe it was because I'm such a huge fan of Martin Freeman and Aidan Turner. Maybe it was because I'd been looking forward to this movie for years.
Whatever the reason, you have no idea just how much I loved that movie. It was brilliant, though, granted, a bit cheesy - all of the best things are - and I loved it so much. Martin Freeman was amazing as Bilbo, just as I knew he would be. The dwarfs were so lovable, and brave, and loyal. The visuals were beautiful, the beard braids perfect. The Thorin/Bilbo bromance going on was wonderful as well. I just loved it all so much. The parasite bit - most hilarious crap ever.
I would keep going on, but I'm on the verge of falling asleep, so I'm just going to go on to Merlin, m'kay?
I cannot even tell you how heartbroken I still am, even though it's been almost a month. I'm fairly certain I'm never going to be over those last two episodes. I loved them and they were amazing and beautiful and a wonderful send-off, but WHY?! I mean, let's face it, everyone knew Arthur would die - not only is it a vital piece of the original legends, but the cast practically screamed in our faces, "DO NOT EXPECT A HAPPY ENDING BECAUSE THERE IS NOT ONE" - and we all knew it would be painful, but I did not expect it to be this painful.
The magic reveal was spot-on, exactly how I would expect Arthur to react to Merlin's magic. Merlin's sobbing as he said it, Arthur's stunned expression, his disbelief, his insistence that "I would know," and Merlin making a dragon of sparks soar out of the flames.... It was all fantastic. My only complaint about the reveal is that it didn't happen earlier in the season. I wish that we'd had an entire season to watch Arthur slowly grow more and more accepting of Merlin's magic, rather than only one episode. Also, the fact that Gwen totally figured out Merlin was a sorcerer... The best. The only one level-headed enough to see through Merlin's crap in the end.
Rewinding a bit, Mordred's death killed me. That smile... Urgh, I just cannot even. I always really liked his character, and he had every reason to hate Arthur in the end - what with the King being responsible for his lover's death in all. Part of me wished that everything for him would, in fact, turn out alright, in the end. Obviously that didn't happen, but I can dream, yeah? At first, I was really hesitant toward Mordred, for all the reasons Merlin was hesitant. And then, just after I decided that I liked him, he goes and kills Arthur. Why?
And fast-forwarding again. I loved Merlin using his magic in front of Arthur. I loved that even though Arthur completely lost all belief he had in Merlin, Merlin himself never lost faith in his king. I loved that they reminisced about when they first met, and Arthur's indignant, "You cheated!" I loved how gentle Merlin was with Arthur, how even though this man, arguably his best friend, had come to despise him in a matter of moments, that did not keep Merlin from caring. I loved "Don't ever change, not for anyone."
Gwaine, though, dear Gwaine, died, his last words being, "I failed." He died thinking he was a failure with Percival clinging to him and I just. And Morgana's death. She was my favorite character in the beginning, so she'll always have a special place in my heart, and no matter what anyone else says, I believe she wasn't truly evil. She just did evil things for entirely understandable reasons. The fact that she killed Gwaine though.... Just. No. Why.
And finally. The End. The End, when they were finally close to the place where Arthur could be healed, when they were so close. And Arthur could not go on. And Merlin held him as he fell, and Merlin held him as he spoke his last words, and Merlin held him as he died. And Merlin's broken screams directed at Kilgharrah, and flying to Avalon, and demanding for some way to save him, but... there was none. So Merlin, dear, sweet, lovely Merlin sent a boat carrying the most important person in his life - because whether you ship them or not, it's true - to the land to the dead. And he couldn't bring himself to light the fire because part of him hoped that Arthur's head would pop up in the boat and he'd yell, "Merlin, you idiot, what are you doing?" But no. Because he was gone.
But "Arthur will rise again," right? So then you see Old!Merlin walking past the lake in present day, and I know I'm not the only one who totally almost fell out of my chair and made inhuman noises at the sight. I did not see that coming. At all.
To be entirely honest, I have been wanting to let that crap out for almost a month now, God.
Anyway, I think the reason this finale hurt so much to me was because not only is Merlin one of my number one fandoms, but it was the first, and at the moment, only, fandom I've belonged to from the beginning, until the end. I still remember seeing the preview for the first episode on TV and my mom and I exchanging a look and saying, "We're watching that." I had no idea it would be a very large part of my life, though. But then I guess that's how all things begin, isn't it? We assume they will mean nothing to us, they will be an insignificant aspect of our lives, and then we turn around and suddenly they are extremely vital to who we are, whether these things be movies, or books, or television shows, or people, or places.
And now I'm going philosophical again. Ignore me.
However, the bright side to all of this is that there are now going to be unending Risen!Arthur AUs that I have to look forward to.